The training is done and the big race is imminent, so why do feelings of doubt persist?

Maranoia (noun): The irrational and persistent feeling that the months of marathon-specific training arent sufficient. Usually sets in during the few weeks prior to your target race.

Its now just over two weeks until I take part in the 2023 Berlin Marathon and, despite this being my 11th race over the distance, maranoia is setting in.

It was only a matter of time. Those who have run a marathon will understand how very different it is from all the other disciplines on the track or road. My first time covering 26.2 miles back in New York in 2000 taught me that. The marathon is almost a different sport, such are the demands it places on you not just on the day but in the months leading up to it with the longer runs, the longer and more intense interval sessions and the recovery that goes along with it.

Despite my marathon tally running into double figures, I really still dont consider myself to be a marathon runner. In that first attempt in New York I ran with a friend, so, although respectable, my time of 2:39 felt reasonably comfortable.

In my next attempt, two years later in Chicago, I got just a little carried away.

Caught up in the enthusiasm surrounding Paula Radcliffes world record attempt, I went with the large group that wanted to follow the pace. Going through halfway in 1:10, I felt pretty good. The problem was that I didnt feel good enough to do it all again immediately. From 18 miles on became a very painful experience as I trudged my way home in 2:35.

That experience meant I didnt even think about running a marathon again until 2017. What followed was a string of reasonable efforts but always without the full preparation that should be afforded to the distance.

Last years Berlin Marathon was to be a different story. I would prepare properly and be a little more diligent with training. Still considering myself more of a track runner (although that ship had sailed several years ago) my early preparation consisted of the typical diet of twice-weekly speed sessions and the Sunday long run.

Soon I found myself becoming more tired than fit until a chance conversation with coach Alan Storey gave me a new perspective on training. Once a week half-marathon pace sessions (of around 10 miles in volume) and alternating long runs of one week long and steady, the next long but with some marathon-paced effort began to bring about improvements.

At 54 years old, recovery was taking a little longer and this mixture of intensity and recovery was beginning to pay dividends. Alan has worked with British international athlete Chris Thompson for many years and his making the Olympic marathon team at age 40 is more than enough testament to his experience and ability.

Berlin last year presented the environment that has led to so many records being broken a flat course, good temperature and little wind. These factors and a steady pace helped me to a 2:39:31 finish, within my 2:40 target.

Fast forward to 2023 and I selected Berlin as my target race once again. This time, Id be more focused if possible. Id try to increase (just a little) the number of long runs and the intensity of those interval sessions.

Entering the race was straightforward. I used Marathontours.co.uk and with a package that included the race number and a couple of nights in Berlin, staying close to the start and finish, this took any additional worry out of pre-race preparations.

Turning 55 also gave me another target a better standing in the age-group rankings. My summer had given me some pleasing results, a 5:02 mile and 57-minute flat 10-mile race bringing some confidence in my form and fitness.

But then, three weeks out from the main race, the perfect storm of conditions presented an unwelcome bump in the road to marathon readiness. My planned, last long marathon effort run, fell in the middle of a heatwave. That and pretty much every other piece of experience gained with over 40 years of racing somehow was forgotten. I didnt warm up, I forgot my mid-run water and ran alone. In short, I couldnt have made things any harder for myself.

Now, post-run and having hit half-marathon distance in 1:17, I find myself questioning every run of the last four months. Yes, maranoia is real and it has hit hard.

This week I feel tired, struggling on each of my daily runs following that long, hard and very hot effort. In fact today, I abandoned any thought of running.

I hope this is just my body preparing me for the big day and that, fingers crossed, the foundation I have laid will come into play. Hopefully after a couple more easy days Ill rebound and be ready to go.

Then, perhaps after Berlin 2023, I will feel like a marathon runner.

Paul Freary is travelling to the BMW Berlin Marathon 2023 with Marathontours.co.uk