LONG POND, Pa. -- Bubba Wallace and his wife have a baby on the way and a mortgage to pay on their home. So when Wallace eyed a pack of media at Pocono Raceway, he decided he would be the one to open with a question.

"Anybody got any money?" he quipped.

Wallace was a bit light in the wallet this week after NASCAR fined him $50,000 for retaliatory contact against race winner Alex Bowman on the cooldown lap of the Chicago Street Race.

Wallace door-slammed Bowman's car and sent it into the wall.

The move cost Wallace some cash, for sure -- and yes, driving for Michael Jordan's 23XI Racing team, he can afford the fine. More than that, Wallace said the incident opened his eyes to the fact that he really wasn't acting like the person he wanted to be at the track.

"The penalty was probably the best thing that's happened to me," Wallace said Saturday. "I've been miserable for years."

Wallace, 30, has long been open about dealing with depression, triggered by both personal and professional struggles. Known for wearing his heart on his sleeve, Wallace acknowledged he hasn't been a beacon of joy at the track as he approaches almost two years since his last Cup Series victory. He starts 29th in the No. 23 Toyota on Sunday at Pocono.

"I've been walking around with a persona I'm not proud of," Wallace said.

Wallace apologized for his recent behavior to everyone from his publicist to a journalist he brushed off last week to Bowman and even the NASCAR official who informed him of the fine.

"I'm just frustrated. I'm trying way too hard," Wallace said. "I'm not focused on the right things."

Wallace has wrestled with his role as an agent of change in NASCAR following his successful spark to help the industry ban the Confederate flag in 2020. He is seen as a hero to some, particularly those who have longed for a Black driver to shake things up in a predominantly white sport. To others, Wallace represents something else entirely, and he has seen plenty of haters on social media over his career.

"For the last four or five years, people have been wanting me out of the sport, right?" Wallace said. "People don't really understand."

Wallace found a surprising source of advice this week when he bumped into retired NASCAR great Kevin Harvick. Wallace was set to race with Harvick in a grassroots series when talk turned to the Bowman incident and NASCAR's fine. Long one of NASCAR's most outspoken drivers, Harvick told Wallace to show up at Pocono "with a smile on my face and accept it."

"I might not agree with the penalty, but I'm smiling about it," Wallace said. "He also told me a lot of powerful things. To show up and be the fun-loving guy that I am throughout the week. I think that has been one of the most important things told to me. People don't see who I actually am on Sundays. That broke me.

"I always preach about being the same person on and off the racetrack. It's a pressure cooker being at the Cup level, right? And the last four years, I've been miserable just trying to walk around like everything's OK."

Wallace insisted his overall mental health was fine. But he said he owed an apology to one more person: his wife, Amanda.

"I wasn't the best husband," he said. "I made her feel like she had to walk on eggshells after bad races. That's not what it's about. It's about going home and getting a fresh reset and being close to the people that are around you. That's what I'm looking forward to."

Wallace said he strayed from his normal jovial self at the track because he always felt the need -- even with two Cup victories -- to prove himself as a person.

He laughed when he said he blamed his father -- whom Wallace has said he's had a complicated relationship with over the years -- who told him not to start trouble but always to finish it, if needed.

An eye for an eye.

Like in Chicago.

Some dissatisfaction on display after the race. #NASCARChicago pic.twitter.com/3RBHcl5utY

NASCAR (@NASCAR) July 8, 2024

Bowman said after the race at rainy Chicago, where he spun Wallace on Lap 25, that the retaliation was warranted. Bowman also advocated for Wallace not to be punished and that he had "every right" to be mad.

Wallace's window net was down when he slammed into Bowman after the race, and the camera inside Bowman's car showed the driver was jostled by the hit.

"Did I time it wrong? Sure, 100%," Wallace said. "His window net was down, seatbelts were off. Not an ideal situation."

Denny Hamlin, who co-owns 23XI with Jordan, said he believed NASCAR levied the fine because the dustup was caught on camera. He didn't discuss the matter with Wallace.

"I think it being live and everyone seeing it, probably caused a little more of a social media uproar, which then they responded to that," Hamlin said.

Wallace is chasing a spot in NASCAR's playoffs with six races left. He is 45 points behind Chris Buescher for the final spot in the 16-driver field. A win gets him an automatic berth.

Harvick told Wallace to take a breath because the punishment could have been worse. A heavier fine. Points docked. A suspension.

Compared to those alternatives, maybe being out $50,000 isn't so bad -- even as Wallace joked that home improvements must wait.

"I told my wife, hey, we might have to hold off on that baby room," Wallace said. "I've got to pay this fine first."